by PAULA LYNDE
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Things are moving pretty slowly at work this month, thanks to the fact that 70% of the planets have shifted to the southern hemisphere. Don’t be alarmed, though, because things will pick up again very soon. However, because you’ll have extra energy throughout April, you may get a little frustrated with the turtle-like pace. Now is a good time to join a dodgeball team – or start one.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Mercury is on your side this month, Taurus, so don’t be surprised if you run into some extra cash. Also, 70% of the planets are in the 12th House, so you’re feeling pretty unstoppable. That’s great, but don’t take your power trip too far. Your boss will appreciate a little extra confidence, but if you crown yourself King or Queen of the water cooler and start asking co-workers to kiss your ring, it could spell trouble.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Most of the planets have moved to the eastern half of your chart this month, so your energy is mostly focused on yourself right now. Of course, it’s perfectly okay to be a little self-centered from time to time. In fact, before March is over, expect some positive changes in your life. However, if you have a romantic partner, he or she may feel neglected. And, no, it won’t make them feel better if you tell them how lucky they are to be ignored by someone as awesome as you.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Sorry, Cancer, but the Lunar eclipse has you feeling a little sluggish this month. You may also be a little – well, crabby – toward your friends and family members. So, now is the time to eat a little healthier to boost your energy levels. Also, be mindful of your mood and think before you snap at someone. After all, you don’t want to start arguments if you don’t have the stamina to finish them. Oh, and you probably don’t want to crush the feelings of loved ones either.
LEO (July 23-Aug-22): Bad news, Lion – Uranus is in your House of Love. Stop laughing. This is serious. The influence of this unfortunately named planet may cause discord in your relationship with your romantic partner. However, if your bond is strong, the two of you will survive as a couple and walk hand in hand into May, tighter than ever. And, if you’re single, please don’t walk up to an attractive individual and say, “Hey, Uranus is in my House of Love.”
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22): Most of the planets are crowded in the western half of your chart during April. This means that you’ll be able to accomplish some goals this month, but you’ll need some help from friends and co-workers. So, you’ll need to turn on the charm and get social. Just try not to be so very virgo when chatting people up. Honestly, no one cares about how well you’ve organized your sock drawer. Try talking about movies, TV, and sports instead – and, no, not how you’ve alphabetized your DVD collection.
LIBRA (Sept 23-Oct 22): Planetary strength is concentrated in the western half of the horoscope, so your House of Love is thriving this month. This means that your attention is focused on others, and your romantic relationships are thriving. Why? It turns out that most people really like it when their significant others actively acknowledge that they exist from time to time. If, on the other hand, you’re single, don’t get too comfortable with your status. Your attentive behavior is likely to catch the eye of someone special.
SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Pluto’s movement away from Sagittarius this month makes April all about change for you, Scorpio. This applies to your job, your relationship (or single status), and your general outlook on life. So, if you’re unhappy at work, now is the time to maybe look for a new position. Or, if you’re in a toxic relationship, make a clean break. Finally, if there’s a special someone in your live who got caught in the friendzone a little prematurely, take the leap and ask them to join you for a very meaningful cup of coffee.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Planetary power is firmly locked in the southern sector of your horoscope this month, so get ready for a seriously fun April. You’re more laidback that usual this month and may very well find that you’re the life of the party. Also, unless you take things too far – like, you still have to actually GO to work – people will likely respond favorably to your new joie de vivre. In fact, don’t be surprised if a promotion or raise is on the horizon. Or, if you’ve never had much luck with impressing the opposite sex, now is your time to shine.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19): Did you know that the moon is your Love Planet? Normally, this is a good thing, but, this month, the Lunar eclipse may result in romantic turmoil. So, if you’re in a committed relationship, hang in there and battle it out – better, brighter times are ahead in May. If, however, you’re a single person, you may just want to chill out and catch up on some TV shows for a few weeks. Right now, swiping right could lead to disastrous results, so don’t risk it.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Uranus will inspire you to make an expensive purchase this month. Stop laughing. This is serious. Most likely, you’ll suddenly feel the urge to buy a better computer or a bigger TV. Of course, depending on your normal spending habits, your “big splurge” might be a fancy cat toy for your fur baby. After all, it’s all relative. In addition, you’ll probably meet an intriguing person who will challenge you intellectually. This individual could turn out to be a romantic partner, a friend, or the new mail carrier might start leaving all of your packages with a neighbor who lives two doors down – And you’ll get a headache trying to figure out why this keeps happening. Again, it’s all relative.
PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20): This month, the Lunar Eclipse will have different effects on different signs – some good, some bad. And, well, fishy, you’re one of the lucky signs. Thanks to the eclipse, you can expect some positive changes in your finances, so go ahead and treat yourself to a little shopping. Also, if you’re in the market for love, your potential match might come from your very own neighborhood. This makes sense because you’ll suddenly be easy to spot with all of those Amazon boxes piled up on your porch.